Well, it's finally June, hopefully a more reasonable month than May was. I really don't want to repeat a month like that. I would rather have my toenails pulled out slowly by a three headed troll.
Last month brought more turmoil than was necessary, or expected. Although I usually pride myself on being able to draw strength and patience when I need to, my reserves were getting a bit stretched by the end of the month.
The patience I rely on went on vacation in May. Too bad it didn't take me along. I think it hooked up with my strength and optimism halfway through too. I hope they all had a good time without me, because I'm calling them back home now. Party's over guys. Time to get back to work.
The biggest catalyst to what shall now be known as Miserable May, was my beloved daughter, who for various reasons, decided at Easter that she would rather live with her father for a while. One would think that being all alone for the better part of six weeks would free up my time. Not so. She required more effort and emotional energy from a distance than she ever did before. Add in the sudden teenage rebellion, and it made parenting triplets seem like a walk in the park. Although it was to hard to watch someone I love so much make so many bad choices in a "go big or go home" way, it was necessary for me to let her make them. All I can do is hope she learns from it and moves through this stage quickly (before it kills me). She came back yesterday, toting all of her stuff, along with what appears to be some sort of deadly plague that she will no doubt share with me. I give it a week tops before she goes back with her dad and leaves me with her germs.
Due to the six week custody switch, I had to spend more time with her father than was normal for a separated couple. Although we have a pretty decent relationship, that can get weird after a bit. I'm no longer used to being asked where I'm going, who I'm texting, when I'll be home etc. Now, in all fairness, it was for the sake of co-parenting and coordinating chauffeuring duties and the like, but it was starting to feel like being married again. I was beginning to get cranky and annoyed, which tells me that I should stay single. Forever. I'm more suited to a relationship with myself, or maybe a goldfish.
Another thing hampered last month was my ability to sleep. I've been running on three to four hours a night for weeks, and it's starting to show. My house is a disorganised mess, as is my hair most days; my car looks like I've been living in it, and my relationships with a few people I cherish have suffered greatly due to a lack of energy on my part. I swear I can hear my bed mocking me when I approach it at night. Sometimes the pillows chime in as well - "oh look, here she comes thinking she's going to sleep tonite, bless her heart". At least the couch hasn't caught on yet.
Normally, I'm all over things that need to be done and can manage to keep the balls juggling in the air. Not last month. Instead, I found most of my time last month was spent picking up all the balls that I dropped. There has been no time to deal with the non-urgent issues like the broken toilet, car repair, ever-leaking basement door, etc. I can't even remember the last time I picked up more than the bare essentials at the grocery store, filled the gas tank before the warning light came on, or arrived at work on time in the morning. Never mind the running and sketching hobbies that I was trying to keep up with, but only managed once or twice. Stolen couch naps when the opportunity arose won out over all of that. I'm so glad that the couch accepts me, even if it is only for short periods of time.
When I did have a little time to myself and enough energy last month, I found that I really wanted to get out with people. Very unlike me, being an introvert at heart, but a necessary diversion from the unnecessary daily life-sucking evils that kept cropping up. Besides, it gave the impression that all was right in my world, thus giving me a break from having to explain my weirdness. Nobody needed to be sucked into that quagmire, and misery really doesn't love company as it turns out.
I did enjoy the times I got to spend with my girlfriends over the last six weeks though. I've gotten a lot of driving experience in places I was always hesitant to go to, unless as a passenger. I've tried out a bunch of restaurants that I hadn't been to before (and gained a few pounds in the process), discovered some really neat little shops in obscure places, relaxed in a friends hot tub, took a few dance lessons and went on my first ever pub crawl.
The dance lessons didn't go well (refer to the sentence on introversion above), but the rest was fun and allowed me to recharge my batteries a little. Well, maybe not the pub crawl. Or at least the pub crawl hangover. Lesson learned the hard way.
In any case, now that June has arrived, it feels like I should get this show back under control. That's very important to a self-admitted control freak. Maybe my next tattoo will just say "Control Freak". Or "Freak Show", since most of the time that's the best way to describe my life. As freaky as it is though, I know I wouldn't change it. I'd lose too many of the good things and people that I have, even though I'm sometimes guilty of forgetting that.
So, bring it on June. I'll even take your June bugs with pleasure. And that says a lot about Miserable May.
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