These Tears

I've never been much of a crier, since I never thought that tears did much good in the end.  I'm not saying that I never cried, I just didn't do it often or easily.

I could always count on one hand the number of times I cried in the run of a year.  Yet, it's only the end of April, and more tears have escaped my eyes this year than I can number. I still don't find that they do much good, but I'm unable to stop them.

In the past 6 months, my emotional armour has been assaulted to the point of breakage.  There had already been a few dents in that armour, but one doesn't live half a century without a few dents.

The latest barrage of assaults took those dents and punched holes in them.  From an unexpected cancer diagnosis and mastectomy; dealing with life in the new COVID era; to the shocking killings of 22 innocent people in my province, tears were shed in abundance. 

Cancer softened me up some, enough to allow tears on a  more regular basis. The medications cause emotional swings, so that also contributes to the crying. And I currently hate my hair.  My armour didn't stand a chance against all of that.

Tonight's tears are different. As I write this, my eyes are again filled with tears. Tonight's news of a downed Cyclone from HMCS Fredricton has my heart in tatters.  There is no confirmation yet of the outcome, but I know each and every member of that Air Detachment, and consider many of them my friends.  I am worried for their well being and that of their loved ones. Tonight I can't hold the tears back, so I won't even try. These tears are unstoppable anyway.  I cannot fathom the thought of an unpleasant outcome, yet I can't discount the possibility. 

So tonight, I will cry.  For the friends that I care about, for their safety, for their souls. This time, I know I'm not crying alone.