Last week I wrote about the things no one tells you about having cancer surgery. It was mostly about the big issues like pain and the lack of counseling available. However, there are other things that no one prepares you for, on a smaller scale but equally important. These are things I had to learn on my own. Hopefully none of you ever find yourself in this situation, but I've started a Hints and Tips Guide for reference.
The biggest thing I've learned is to pick your caregivers wisely. They will be doing pretty much everything for you in the first couple of weeks after surgery. I'm fortunate enough to have two of them, which turned out to be a good thing as they have been able to trade off on skill and patience levels.
One of my caregivers does not cook. She did tell me that before she moved in, but I thought she meant she just didn't like to cook. It's a good thing she is the one who is in charge of the more personal care and not the feeding portion. She's great at the nursing side of it, thankfully.
My other caregiver can't do any of the bandage changing and the like at the risk of passing out, but she does like to cook so I didn't die of hunger. The days that she had to go to work were iffy on the meal front. There was one particular day when I really thought that starvation would do me in long before cancer got a chance to. Fortunately, my BFF showed up with Macdonald's, for which I will be forever grateful. Somehow, she just knew. If you have more than one person looking after you, check their skill sets ahead of time to make sure everything is covered off.
Another suggestion for the recuperation stage is to pick an easy hairstyle. The caregivers will be weiding the hairdryer, so simple and short is the best bet. Although my hair is already short, it does require a little more than running a hairdryer across it. I spent many recent days looking like my hair gave up part way through the process. In hindsight, I think they may have been the days when I wasn't the best patient. The "homeless look" seems now like a caregiver revenge tactic. Stay on the good side of the person drying your hair.
Should you live in a multi floor house, an intercom would be ideal. I don't have an intercom, so I improvised with a bell that another friend lent me. I can't say that the bell was welcomed by my family, but it did the trick. In hindsight, I shouldn't have performed response time drills with it before the surgery as they were quite over the bell by the time I actually needed it. Go with an intercom if possible, or move to a one level home. My next surgery could be a bell removal, so don't do what I did.
I would also advise having a quiet zone to go to. Over time, you and your caregivers will need a break from each other. Probably not within the first 48 hours, as it was in my case, but at some point during the first couple weeks. I'm a bit of an introvert when it comes to my personal space and have never felt the need to be constantly near other people, so I didn't last long before trying to escape the company. I don't like being hovered over, especially when playing solitaire, yet it seemed like there was someone 2 feet from me constantly. It was difficult for me to be quietly polite about that, but I managed. Especially since I knew that hurt feelings could cause disastrous hair styling results for me and a sharp decline in meal presentation. I'd suggest enforcing quiet hours from the start.
Finally, go with the roller coaster of emotions. My emotions have been running amok and it's not unusual for my moods to change faster than a Nova Scotia weather forecast. I can have sadness, fear, relief, anger, frustration and defeat all in a 30 minute time span. No amount of consoling, comforting or reasoning seems to prevent the multiple meltdowns, so you're basically stuck riding it out. Stock up tissues and alcohol.
One more thing - stay medicated, my friends.
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